So the Super Bowl has been over for a couple of days now and
we are all still talking about bad calls on the one yard line, and the overall
greatness of that game. In my opinion the best Super Bowl I have seen since the
Giants played the Bills, if not better. That is not why I am here today writing
though. The reason for this entry is as some of you saw, and others who know me
well know what’s coming. In the middle of this epic game there was a commercial
for Budweiser. It was called brewed the hard way, or something to that effect. It’s
caused a stir with folks that enjoy good beer and these are my thoughts.
The first thing I would like to do is congratulate them on
being proud to be a Macro Beer. Good for you Budweiser, good for you. I am glad
that you are proud that you brew beer in factories, and that you can produce
carts with horses and puppies in commercials for 4.5 million a pop that cater
to that working man or woman and not us people who don’t work hard. Or have a
brain, an opinion, or are remotely close to having an independent thought.
Bravo.
Now on to my rant. Fuck you and shut the FUCK up. The people
depicted in your 30 second masterpiece that fussed over beer and dissected it
were an obvious stereotype of a beer geek. The guy with the handlebar mustache
with his nose in the snifter of some sort of stout, and the table of other guys
who were dressed similarly. Nice profiling. Guess what, I and MILLIONS of other
people do not remotely resemble your high schoolish finger pointing, locker
room style bull shit. I listen to Slayer, I drive a 2010 Dodge Challenger, watch
football and NASCAR, I work my ASS off every day, and guess what there is no
way in HELL I’m drinking a Bud. EVER. I don’t quote Nietzsche, drive a smart
car, or listen to Mumford and Sons, which is what your marketing team was going
for right? Those are the only people who drink craft beer.WRONG again, we are all different types of
people you bunch of dopes. We just like good beer, something you fail to recognize
or produce for that matter. So by this system that you have put into play who
drinks your shit in a bottle? I am assuming that they are the Bro crowd of
spray tanned fauxhawk, tribal tattooed guys and or that crowd that doesn’t
drink beer except to get hammered, and hang out with their “Guys” ( see Meat
Head Rob Lowe, or Creepy Rob Lowe from his direct TV commercials).
You are also
catering to the crowd that also believes that Olive Garden is great Italian
Food and P.F. Changs is great Chinese. The zombie like masses who do what
marketing tells them. (See the last sentence of my first paragraph).In other
words American Idiots.
Let’s go over the hypocrisy of the ad as well. So if you are
all about your beech wood aged beer for “drinking” get out the horses show me a
puppy happy good time beer, then why may I ask, do they have stakes in craft
breweries like Widmer and Goose Island if they are so dead set against craft
beer? Why then are there 50 different types of Shock Top? They are losing to us
freaks, that’s why. They want their shelf space back so they can put 500
different bottles of bullshit in a case near you. So they turn to the masses,
wave the flag, bring their horses and puppies out and essentially call us
dweebs. Nice.
In Closing I would like to say that I am a craft beer dork,
I do fuss over my beer, I do dissect craft beers, because they have flavor and
are WORTH MY TIME, unlike your “drinkable”, “smooth finishing” yellow flavored
water in a bottle. I would like to add with 2 middle fingers raised to the sky,
Drinking an Arrogant Bastard, and listening to VoiVod, take your horses, beech
wood barrels, puppies, frogs, football playing bottles, and whatever your team
of Marketing losers come up with next, and cram them straight up your Macro
ass.
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