A Rant the Easy Way, a big F*** You to the Proud Macro People.

So the Super Bowl has been over for a couple of days now and we are all still talking about bad calls on the one yard line, and the overall greatness of that game. In my opinion the best Super Bowl I have seen since the Giants played the Bills, if not better. That is not why I am here today writing though. The reason for this entry is as some of you saw, and others who know me well know what’s coming. In the middle of this epic game there was a commercial for Budweiser. It was called brewed the hard way, or something to that effect. It’s caused a stir with folks that enjoy good beer and these are my thoughts.  

The first thing I would like to do is congratulate them on being proud to be a Macro Beer. Good for you Budweiser, good for you. I am glad that you are proud that you brew beer in factories, and that you can produce carts with horses and puppies in commercials for 4.5 million a pop that cater to that working man or woman and not us people who don’t work hard. Or have a brain, an opinion, or are remotely close to having an independent thought. Bravo.

Now on to my rant. Fuck you and shut the FUCK up. The people depicted in your 30 second masterpiece that fussed over beer and dissected it were an obvious stereotype of a beer geek. The guy with the handlebar mustache with his nose in the snifter of some sort of stout, and the table of other guys who were dressed similarly. Nice profiling. Guess what, I and MILLIONS of other people do not remotely resemble your high schoolish finger pointing, locker room style bull shit. I listen to Slayer, I drive a 2010 Dodge Challenger, watch football and NASCAR, I work my ASS off every day, and guess what there is no way in HELL I’m drinking a Bud. EVER. I don’t quote Nietzsche, drive a smart car, or listen to Mumford and Sons, which is what your marketing team was going for right? Those are the only people who drink craft beer.WRONG again, we are all different types of people you bunch of dopes. We just like good beer, something you fail to recognize or produce for that matter. So by this system that you have put into play who drinks your shit in a bottle? I am assuming that they are the Bro crowd of spray tanned fauxhawk, tribal tattooed guys and or that crowd that doesn’t drink beer except to get hammered, and hang out with their “Guys” ( see Meat Head Rob Lowe, or Creepy Rob Lowe from his direct TV commercials).

You are also catering to the crowd that also believes that Olive Garden is great Italian Food and P.F. Changs is great Chinese. The zombie like masses who do what marketing tells them. (See the last sentence of my first paragraph).In other words American Idiots.

Let’s go over the hypocrisy of the ad as well. So if you are all about your beech wood aged beer for “drinking” get out the horses show me a puppy happy good time beer, then why may I ask, do they have stakes in craft breweries like Widmer and Goose Island if they are so dead set against craft beer? Why then are there 50 different types of Shock Top? They are losing to us freaks, that’s why. They want their shelf space back so they can put 500 different bottles of bullshit in a case near you. So they turn to the masses, wave the flag, bring their horses and puppies out and essentially call us dweebs. Nice.

In Closing I would like to say that I am a craft beer dork, I do fuss over my beer, I do dissect craft beers, because they have flavor and are WORTH MY TIME, unlike your “drinkable”, “smooth finishing” yellow flavored water in a bottle. I would like to add with 2 middle fingers raised to the sky, Drinking an Arrogant Bastard, and listening to VoiVod, take your horses, beech wood barrels, puppies, frogs, football playing bottles, and whatever your team of Marketing losers come up with next, and cram them straight up your Macro ass.

A Little Ranting to Start Off the Year

Since we are in the New Year, I guess it’s time to do a synopsis of the year in beer, or a resolution. For one I am not one to make a resolution for the New Year. Not a freaking chance in hell of that of that. I am not going to a gym, eat kale and eat some horken fiber grain mix to make my diet healthy, just to throw it out the first chance I get to have a beer and some bar food with my friends. We are adults, you should be able to figure that kind of thing out without pledging something dopey. I wake up daily trying to be better at who I am and what I do, I don’t need to create a device to do this. I am not going to go over last year either. It’s the past, there were some great beers made and we loved them, I am personally more excited about the year ahead. One thing I will leave you with is a quote from Greg Koch the brilliant, arrogant in a good way, leader of Stone Brewery said.

 It is something that I personally back 100% and will start implementing daily in my conversations and writings about beer.Sorry if I disappointed everyone by not contributing to the normal year-end/new year bullshit. It’s not my thing.

 As I am writing this we are having the Polar Vortex pay a visit here in the Great Lakes (or as I like to call it winter), I am just hanging around the estate in lovely, frozen Lakewood, Ohio. I was thinking that this time of year, the post-holiday pre-spring release time of year is the most underrated time of year for beers. I love the fact that most if not every brewery/brewer goes out on a limb more and more, and create crazy one-off brews during the year. This time of year is great for that. I am a fan of the beers that get right up in your face with flavors and styles that are not the norm and out of your comfort zone.
 If you want to get me out of my beer comfort zone, one way is to give me a barley wine, You know the beers that start appearing this time of year that are usually named “Old” something or other. I am not a huge fan of this style. To me it’s just a way to brew a huge beer for the sake of it being big. They are for the most part cloyingly sweet and very boozy. Most hit around 10% ABV(Alcohol By Volume) on the bottom end and I have seen some that are upwards of 14-15% if not more (although not in my current state of Ohio which has ancient, absurd ABV laws for beer set at 12% - this is a rant for another day). A great deal of them do have a hoppy finish and I do like that. I am leery of the sweet-not-stout/Baltic porter which work for me, I am not saying that barley wines are bad beers at all. They just don’t hit the right notes for me. The high ABV% isn’t a bad thing but higher alcohol beers for the most part tend to have that burn on the back end. Which can make a beer great, or ruin it for me. Contrary to what some folks believe higher ABV doesn’t equal better beer. This is where I take a little side trip.

Let’s talk ABV, or more importantly, the “I only drink beer that has 9% alcohol or higher” guy. I know some of you are reading this, too. Well I am about to piss you off. I find this attitude to be one of, if not the most annoying, stupid, and outright fucked up ones out there. Don’t give me it’s your preference, that’s all BS. If it was just a preference you wouldn’t be hammering anyone for drinking, or brewing good beer with lower alcohol levels. You are not an Elitist; but more or less a drunk. All this says to me is that you want something to get you fucking hammered quickly rather than revel in and enjoy great beer. You are no different than the hobo drinking a Lazer malt liquor out of a paper bag to get trashed. No I am not putting high ABV beers in the level of Lazer so back up, I am putting the dopes I mentioned above there. If you have a problem with that fire away, not going to change my mind on this. Anyway that red-faced rant is now over, so back to barley wines. I do have a couple that I have had in the past. I am a big fan of Sierra Nevada’s Bigfoot. It is big, bold, has a dried fruit-like sweetness that is evened out by a good resiny, piney hop finish. I also like Victory Old Horizontal; it’s not as hoppy as Bigfoot but it carries a lot of similar flavors. This is just one of many types of different beers you see this time of year.
 I encourage everyone to follow your favorite breweries on the various social media outlets (Facebook, Twitter, for example) we have right now. They will for the most part give information on releases and other info so you can see what weirdness they are planning. I can go on and on about what else is available right now but hit social media and there’s a good amount of info to be had. Now go out there and get out of your comfort zone find some different beers and have some fun!

Why am I doing this?

 The big question, why am I restarting and reinventing my old blog? It needed to be done for one thing, also I went through a long period of being uninspired, lazy, and to be honest not knowing what the hell I was doing with it anyway. The one big thing was that it was good in my opinion, but for all intents and purposes it wasn’t totally who or what I am or what I REALLY think. The main issue was that my passion for beer and food was not conveyed in a way that reflects me. I pulled back on the reigns and just did what I thought people wanted to hear, good or bad. NOT what I wanted to say, which if you know me, is a lot. In my previous blog incarnation I refrained from going hardcore one way or another, trying to play the middle not offending or giving too much praise. Not this time. You will get my thoughts opinions with passion, and a visceral, honest, and different take on Beer and Food than you have heard in the past.

Here we go. I have a Bio page but here’s my Crash Davis version of who I am so you can get an idea of where this may go.

I am a craft beer freak. The main reason I am doing this whole thing. Much like a lot of folks in the world of beer blogging I am a hop-head. American IPA’s are my go to, my favorite, my Linus’ blanket in the beer world.

I love cooking, eating and playing with my food. I also will never be vegetarian or vegan. I can cook some great vegan food but I love meat and seafood way too much to give it up.

I do local. Beer, food, farms, music (when I can), art. If you buy into big box get the fuck out of here. You’ll be happier and less confused. This is what made America great not a store that enslaves thousands and sells sweatpants and ground beef two aisles away from each other.

I am a fucking nerd, by that I mean I love Star Wars, Comics, Sci-Fi, Fantasy, all of that stuff. I love history, as well as movies and music. Which is the next point.

I am an unapologetic die-hard metal head. I like other forms of music but metal is what makes me alive. It has got me through the good times and the rough patches in life. It’s been my life’s soundtrack and I don’t think it’s going to change any time soon.

I have no time for ANYTHING Bud/Inbev, Miller, or Coors offer. They pollute the shelves with crap and force it on the public like a Miley Cyrus album. The fact that they have “bought into” the craft beer “trend” by buying up struggling breweries like a deranged version of Mr. Potter from It’s a Wonderful Life disturbs me to no end. They are much a kin to the Applebee’s, Chiles, and Olive Gardens of the restaurant world. Throwing shit at the American public who seem to think its great stuff.

Most importantly I find that you have to have fun in life, whatever that may be. Being too serious or negative just isn’t for me. I am going to make this a crazy, fun, twisted, and different ride. So strap yourself in and get ready for something that may not be revolutionary, but you will be entertained and get something out of this whole thing.  I will be posting a Thanksgiving beer and food pairing guide but if you want something now here’s my old guide from a few years back. Thanksgiving-feast-pt-1