A Rant the Easy Way, a big F*** You to the Proud Macro People.

So the Super Bowl has been over for a couple of days now and we are all still talking about bad calls on the one yard line, and the overall greatness of that game. In my opinion the best Super Bowl I have seen since the Giants played the Bills, if not better. That is not why I am here today writing though. The reason for this entry is as some of you saw, and others who know me well know what’s coming. In the middle of this epic game there was a commercial for Budweiser. It was called brewed the hard way, or something to that effect. It’s caused a stir with folks that enjoy good beer and these are my thoughts.  

The first thing I would like to do is congratulate them on being proud to be a Macro Beer. Good for you Budweiser, good for you. I am glad that you are proud that you brew beer in factories, and that you can produce carts with horses and puppies in commercials for 4.5 million a pop that cater to that working man or woman and not us people who don’t work hard. Or have a brain, an opinion, or are remotely close to having an independent thought. Bravo.

Now on to my rant. Fuck you and shut the FUCK up. The people depicted in your 30 second masterpiece that fussed over beer and dissected it were an obvious stereotype of a beer geek. The guy with the handlebar mustache with his nose in the snifter of some sort of stout, and the table of other guys who were dressed similarly. Nice profiling. Guess what, I and MILLIONS of other people do not remotely resemble your high schoolish finger pointing, locker room style bull shit. I listen to Slayer, I drive a 2010 Dodge Challenger, watch football and NASCAR, I work my ASS off every day, and guess what there is no way in HELL I’m drinking a Bud. EVER. I don’t quote Nietzsche, drive a smart car, or listen to Mumford and Sons, which is what your marketing team was going for right? Those are the only people who drink craft beer.WRONG again, we are all different types of people you bunch of dopes. We just like good beer, something you fail to recognize or produce for that matter. So by this system that you have put into play who drinks your shit in a bottle? I am assuming that they are the Bro crowd of spray tanned fauxhawk, tribal tattooed guys and or that crowd that doesn’t drink beer except to get hammered, and hang out with their “Guys” ( see Meat Head Rob Lowe, or Creepy Rob Lowe from his direct TV commercials).

You are also catering to the crowd that also believes that Olive Garden is great Italian Food and P.F. Changs is great Chinese. The zombie like masses who do what marketing tells them. (See the last sentence of my first paragraph).In other words American Idiots.

Let’s go over the hypocrisy of the ad as well. So if you are all about your beech wood aged beer for “drinking” get out the horses show me a puppy happy good time beer, then why may I ask, do they have stakes in craft breweries like Widmer and Goose Island if they are so dead set against craft beer? Why then are there 50 different types of Shock Top? They are losing to us freaks, that’s why. They want their shelf space back so they can put 500 different bottles of bullshit in a case near you. So they turn to the masses, wave the flag, bring their horses and puppies out and essentially call us dweebs. Nice.

In Closing I would like to say that I am a craft beer dork, I do fuss over my beer, I do dissect craft beers, because they have flavor and are WORTH MY TIME, unlike your “drinkable”, “smooth finishing” yellow flavored water in a bottle. I would like to add with 2 middle fingers raised to the sky, Drinking an Arrogant Bastard, and listening to VoiVod, take your horses, beech wood barrels, puppies, frogs, football playing bottles, and whatever your team of Marketing losers come up with next, and cram them straight up your Macro ass.

The Beer Can Chicken Experiment Pt. 2

                Part II

Now on to part 2, since the first part I tried a couple of others. So I added one of them that I felt came out great. Now keep in mind as I have continually said in past posts, just because it cold out is no reason to put the grill away in storage. Use it all year, after all it is fire and last I checked fire beats snow and cold. Plus your neighbors will think you’re crazy, which is also fun. So here we go the next one. For this one I used 6 point Sweet Action which is a nice hearty cream ale that has some orange and honey notes with a mild bitterness. I thought that this would be a good spot to do one with a BBQ seasoning mix. It’s a really simple mix that you can use on just about anything from chicken to pork to beef.

 BBQ Seasoning Mix 

1/4 c. brown sugar

2 Tbsp. dark chili powder

1 Tbsp.  Paprika

1 tsp   smoked paprika

½ tsp cayenne pepper

1 tsp   onion powder

1 clove garlic minced

1 tsp tomato paste

1 Tbsp. salt

1 tsp black pepper

Mix everything together in a food processor and rub it all over the chicken. A side note here in regards to the tomato paste. One great tool or short cut is to get one of the tubes of tomato paste (they are similar to a toothpaste tube that you can find generally with your Italian/international aisle in most if not every grocery store) instead of getting a can. It’s a little more expensive but you don’t have leftover tomato paste in your fridge that you end up throwing out anyway. With the tube you can use as much or as little as you need, put the cap back on and it lasts for a good long time. Just don’t mistake it for your toothpaste, because that could be weird and pretty unpleasant.

Cooking instructions are on the first installment of this 2 parter. On to the next one which I used Arcadia Wit Sun but any Belgian Wit or “wheat beer” (look for lighter wheat beer with coriander and/or orange peel in them) will work. I used this one because of its availability to me. Other ones that can work well with this one are Bell’s Oberon, Avery White Rascal, Revolution Bottom up, or one from your local area that you like. For this I did something similar to a Coastal French/Provencal rub. Fresh herbs, garlic-type rub.

Herb Rub

¼ c. olive oil (The type is up to you)

3 cloves garlic minced

1 shallot minced

1/4 c. fresh thyme, chopped

¼ c. fresh Rosemary, chopped

¼ c. fresh oregano, chopped

½ c. fresh flat leaf parsley, chopped

Juice and zest of ½ lemon

Salt and pepper

The best way to do this one to get everything chopped fine is in a food processor, rub the mix on the outside of the bird and use the same cooking instructions as the others.

This one is a late addition to my experiments and an easy one to boot. Not that the others were hard but for this one I kind of cheated and it came out great. For the final one, in the now 5 types, of beer can chicken I did a Harissa rubbed chicken. Harissa is a Chili paste used mainly in the Mediterranean coastal countries of Africa (Tunisia, Libya, Algeria, and Morocco mainly). You can make this spicy paste on your own or do as I did and purchase a pre-made one (the cheating part). You can find good Harissa at most Mediterranean or Middle Easter markets or in some better grocery stores. The beer I used for this was Oskar Blues Dale’s pale ale. The reason being that I wanted something with a decent hop presence for some nice flavor and aromas but not a high powered APA or IPA that could have over powered it. The procedure is for this is pretty simple, as are the others. Rub the outside with the Harissa and use my standard technique to cook it.

I hope everyone enjoyed this little bit of experimentation and craziness from me, you can expand upon my insanity by coming up with your own combos and such, just remember fails happen it’s not the end of the world, after all it’s just chicken and beer.

The Beer Can Chicken Experiment pt 1.

 In an earlier post I did I mentioned that I was toying around with beer can chicken. With the diversity and variety of canned beers now, especially in the craft beer world, I thought it would be fun to do a few different “experiments” with it. This will be split up into 2 parts for a couple of reasons, one being that it would be a horribly long post, and the second is I want to give you all of my thoughts on how and why I came up with what I did in enough detail so it’s easy for you, and with the start of football season and tailgating season these could be a welcomed addition to your pregame fare.

 The traditional beer can chicken is basically a can of shit beer shoved into the cavity of a whole chicken with minimal seasonings with maybe the exception of BBQ sauce or some salt and pepper. There are slight variations here and there, but nothing to die for. I looked at this like a challenge to make it better, like Steve Austin (The Six Million Dollar Man, not the wrestler. You’ll get the reference if you are 35 or older if not then Google it kiddies, then it will make sense.). I decided that I wanted to a few versions to see what I liked best and I narrowed it down to 4 for our purposes here.  What I did first was find beer that I could work with to make something out of the norm as far as cooking with beer first. I do also realize I can dump any beer into an empty soda or beer can but where’s the challenge or fun in that? Then I got the gears turning on how I was going to do to the chicken. Based on the beer that I purchased. These days’ singles are easy to find at any wine/beer/liquor store. With the base of the meals being chicken I wanted to keep the beers relatively chicken friendly. So these are the 4 beers that I used and before you go into beer snobbery and/or judge me (that’s my job right?) for what I used listen and learn, remember here I am the Jedi and you are but a Padawan in the beer can chicken arts.  I used River Towne Hala Kahiki Pineapple Ale, Old Speckled Hen, 6 Point Sweet Action, and Acardia Wit Sun. Not my normal choices for beer, I know. I went in with a different angle when I came up with these, and that was “what can I use to cook with that can be different and be a good vehicle for chicken.” not the normal “what can I buy to pair up with chicken.”  

Now to the what and why portion. I tried and I feel I succeeded in making something different and tasty with these, (which won’t be the only ones I try out either) so here are the recipes and reasoning behind them. First I want to give my cooking techniques for beer can chicken. First and foremost don’t be afraid to get a little dirty. Just be clean and sanitary, it is chicken, and I am not a walking PSA for kitchen sanitation but wash your hands and keep your prep area clean. First you need a chicken somewhere in the 2 ½ to 3 ½ lb. area. Next you are going to want to open the beer and drink/dump (I prefer the first option) and stand up the can and place the chicken wings up and put the chicken over the can like the picture below. 

Now for the grilling part. What I do is an indirect method of sorts, I put the side where the chicken is on a low and the opposite setting on medium high. This helps prevent burning and it helps create a convection like air flow. You also want it on low so the beer in the can gets hot, steaming the inside and imparting flavor but not boiling over and creating a huge mess. Since all gas grills are different with their burner set up (front to back or left to right 2 or 4 burners) you have to plan ahead. If you are using charcoal pile the coals on the opposite side of where you place the chicken. Timing on this is usually in the 45 min. to 1 hour depending on the chicken, grill type etc. you want an internal temp of at least 165 degrees to be sure the chicken is cooked. I highly suggest purchasing a kitchen thermometer they sell them pretty much everywhere now and they can range from 5 pucks to 100 or so if you get certain digital ones. OK now that we got the tech portion done, here are the first 2 of the 4 recipes that I Did.

1.       Rivertowne Hala Kahiki Jerk Beer Can Chicken

This is probably the head scratcher for most of you. I am not a big fruit flavored beer guy at all. The first time I saw this beer from Rivertowne Brewing from Pittsburgh I have to admit it that I was intrigued more from a cooking standpoint than a drinking one. For what it is its not half bad sweet and Pineapple flavors abound, so this is our starting point. Jerk Chicken is traditionally spicy with some fruity/sweet notes, which is where the Pineapple beer fits in nicely. This is the only one of the 4 that I marinated, just because it’s the more traditional way to do Jerk chicken.This recipe is altered from the one on my Facebook page, but is pretty close to it.

Jerk Chicken Marinade

½             Spanish onion rough chop

4              cloves garlic rough chop

3              green onions rough chop

1-2          Habanero or Scotch Bonnet peppers or Jalapeno

1 bunch   fresh thyme and cilantro

1 Tbsp.    Ancho Chili powder       

5 tsp     allspice

½ tsp     cinnamon

¼ tsp     nutmeg

1/2 Cup.  olive oil

1 Tbsp.  brown sugar

¼ Cup    soy sauce

1 Tbsp.  salt

½ Tbsp. black pepper

Juice of 1/2 lime and 1/2 orange

½ of a Rivertowne Hala Kahiki beer

Mix all of the ingredients all together and marinate the whole chicken overnight. Reserve the remaining marinade bring it to a boil (food safety folks it had chicken sitting in it, this will ensure it to be safe) and use it to baste the chicken while it’s grilling.

2.       Romesco  Old Speckled Hen Beer Can Chicken

This was my favorite so far. This uses a Spanish style Romesco sauce, which is a sauce that is made of roasted piquillo peppers, as a wet rub with a traditional malty, nutty English ale as a balance to the tangy rub. The beer also brings out the flavor of the almonds in the sauce. Side note on this one. Old Speckled Hen is a nitro can and has a plastic widget in it, it used to be a floating one but now it’s fixed to the inside bottom of the can (which I didn’t realize at the time) so I had to go against my initial idea and bust out another widget free one.

Romesco Sauce

1 can      roasted piquillo or roasted red peppers drained

½ cup    toasted Almonds or hazelnuts

¼ cup    red wine vinegar

1 Tbsp.  smoked paprika

1 tsp      cayenne pepper

4 cloves                garlic

Salt and pepper to taste

In your food processor put your almonds in first and pulse them until they are almost paste like. Add the rest of the ingredients and process until it’s almost totally smooth. Set up your chicken then slather the bird with the sauce and cook to the above instructions.

So there you have the first Two in my series, I hope you like them as much as I had coming up with them and testing them out. 

Super Bowl party time!

 As many of you know I am probably one of the biggest pro football fans on the planet. So this week is the week of the 48^th annual Championship Game of the National Football League (I will not call it the “big game”) or The Super Bowl.

There I said the taboo name for the game, we can now move on. Being a hardcore fan, to me, this is the Christmas, New Year’s Eve, (name your favorite holiday) of my year. 90% of it is the game, but I love the party portion of it as well. Seeing that my Denver Broncos are in it this year it’s even more special to me (I like the Broncos to win 27-20 so if you read this after the game you can laugh or be impressed).  Food and beer take the center stage at almost every party, so why would you even contemplate drinking the official shit beer of the Super Bowl and serve the officially sponsored premade crap food for it? It’s a holiday, and it’s a party would you give people crappy pizza and reheated wings from a chain for a dinner party? Hell No. So why do it for the Super Bowl? So where do we go with the food you may ask?? Make it yourself. Homemade is the way to go, and if you are inept in the kitchen go to LOCAL restaurants, delis, or BBQ joints, to get your eats. I am going to help you out with a couple of Ideas here for the party as a whole.

First thing I do is figure out the beer, big shocker I know. All of the party type food for this event goes great with beer, and all types of it. Since I am a big cheese ball, I like to get beers from the cities or states of the teams in the game. So this current version is Denver and Seattle. Great year to give this a try. There are a ton of breweries from these 2 cities.  Here are a few that are readily available in most areas. Denver/Colorado (Coors and Blue Moon are not craft beers so don’t go there) has Oskar Blues, New Belgium, Great Divide to name a couple, Seattle/Washington you have Pyramid, Elysian, Red Hook there are a ton more in these cities and states. When your guests choose a beer they also are making a choice for the game as well. Like I said cheesy but fun. If that’s too cheesy get some local brews for the game or a couple growlers just none of that crap they are advertising during the game. Now for the food.

 Menu wise minus the chips and dips and whatever snack foods that you pick there are a lot of choices. In the cold weather nothing beats some good chili in my book. I am not going to throw a recipe out there mostly  because everyone has one, whether it’s a traditional beef, or a turkey, or a vegetarian, they always work just have some stuff to throw on it like cheese or sour cream and other fun stuff. Let’s focus on another big part of this game’s food the sandwich. Time to go big or go home! I like to do it different as well. There are about a thousand different ways to go here. Like Peyton Manning I am calling an audible at the line. Instead of a standard big cold cut sandwich try something like a Banh Mi or a giant Cuban sandwich. If you don’t cook or don’t want to, get some pulled pork or BBQ beef from a local BBQ joint, a loaf of good French bread some cheddar and make a giant BBQ sandwich. As for the other two I mentioned let’s go over construction.

The Banh Mi is a tasty and not so well known sandwich from Vietnam. For this you will need to do a little prep. I like doing a grilled chicken one but you can do it with pork or even with tofu or tempeh if you don’t eat meat. Since I am carnivorous let’s do the chicken one. Once again we are making this a big sandwich, so get a loaf of good French bread to start. You are going to need a pound of boneless chicken thighs that need to be marinated for a couple of hours or overnight. Recipe will be below. Now traditionally there are pickled carrots and Daikon radish, but I construct a simple slaw of sorts with carrots, red bell peppers, and some Napa cabbage. So the chicken is ready to go, guess what we are firing up the grill. Outside. In February. Why fear the cold and snow? Just because it’s not sunny and 75 doesn’t mean you need to stop grilling. So to the construction of this masterpiece. This is all about the layers. Cut the French bread so it’s opened up. This calls for a mayo but put it on the side, some people hate it, some bathe in it, so leave it up to them. First cut up the thighs and lay them down. Next a layer of sliced cucumbers, then your slaw, then some fresh cilantro and some sliced Jalapeños for some heat. Fold the bread up and cut it into chunks, however big or small you want to.

Banh Mi Marinade                                                                          Carrot slaw

¼ cup soy sauce                                                                                1 carrot julienned

½ of a lime juiced                                                             1 red pepper julienned

¼ cup cider vinegar                                                         1 green onion

2 cloves of garlic                                                               1 Cup of shredded cabbage

1 tablespoon of 5 spice blend                                     1 tablespoon of sugar

Salt and pepper to taste                                                               ¼ cup rice wine vinegar

                                                                                                Salt and pepper to taste

 Next we do the classic Cuban with a craft beer twist. We need the oven for this one. Set it to 375. French bread is your base again. Cut the bread in half like we did before so you can open it up. You will need roughly about a pound to a pound and a half of a good ham sliced thin. Lay it out on the bread on BOTH sides then we are going to put a layer of sliced pickles. Kosher deli style ones work best. Then a good layer of Swiss cheese. Put the whole thing in the oven and bake it until the cheese is melty. Normally this sandwich is pressed but since it’s a big sandwich we’ll skip that part. Take it out and fold it together. Wait, you are saying you forgot the mustard? Nope. Here’s the twist we are doing a whole grain IPA mustard for it. You can put this in the sandwich after the toasting or put it on the side if there are mustard haters around.  Recipe is as follows:

 IPA MUSTARD

1 jar of Whole grain mustard

3 garlic cloves roasted and chopped

¼ cup of Stone Ruination or other Imperial/double IPA

So there are a few ideas for your Super Bowl party, have a good time enjoy the game, the food, the commercials, and most importantly GO BRONCOS!!!!!!