A Rant the Easy Way, a big F*** You to the Proud Macro People.

So the Super Bowl has been over for a couple of days now and we are all still talking about bad calls on the one yard line, and the overall greatness of that game. In my opinion the best Super Bowl I have seen since the Giants played the Bills, if not better. That is not why I am here today writing though. The reason for this entry is as some of you saw, and others who know me well know what’s coming. In the middle of this epic game there was a commercial for Budweiser. It was called brewed the hard way, or something to that effect. It’s caused a stir with folks that enjoy good beer and these are my thoughts.  

The first thing I would like to do is congratulate them on being proud to be a Macro Beer. Good for you Budweiser, good for you. I am glad that you are proud that you brew beer in factories, and that you can produce carts with horses and puppies in commercials for 4.5 million a pop that cater to that working man or woman and not us people who don’t work hard. Or have a brain, an opinion, or are remotely close to having an independent thought. Bravo.

Now on to my rant. Fuck you and shut the FUCK up. The people depicted in your 30 second masterpiece that fussed over beer and dissected it were an obvious stereotype of a beer geek. The guy with the handlebar mustache with his nose in the snifter of some sort of stout, and the table of other guys who were dressed similarly. Nice profiling. Guess what, I and MILLIONS of other people do not remotely resemble your high schoolish finger pointing, locker room style bull shit. I listen to Slayer, I drive a 2010 Dodge Challenger, watch football and NASCAR, I work my ASS off every day, and guess what there is no way in HELL I’m drinking a Bud. EVER. I don’t quote Nietzsche, drive a smart car, or listen to Mumford and Sons, which is what your marketing team was going for right? Those are the only people who drink craft beer.WRONG again, we are all different types of people you bunch of dopes. We just like good beer, something you fail to recognize or produce for that matter. So by this system that you have put into play who drinks your shit in a bottle? I am assuming that they are the Bro crowd of spray tanned fauxhawk, tribal tattooed guys and or that crowd that doesn’t drink beer except to get hammered, and hang out with their “Guys” ( see Meat Head Rob Lowe, or Creepy Rob Lowe from his direct TV commercials).

You are also catering to the crowd that also believes that Olive Garden is great Italian Food and P.F. Changs is great Chinese. The zombie like masses who do what marketing tells them. (See the last sentence of my first paragraph).In other words American Idiots.

Let’s go over the hypocrisy of the ad as well. So if you are all about your beech wood aged beer for “drinking” get out the horses show me a puppy happy good time beer, then why may I ask, do they have stakes in craft breweries like Widmer and Goose Island if they are so dead set against craft beer? Why then are there 50 different types of Shock Top? They are losing to us freaks, that’s why. They want their shelf space back so they can put 500 different bottles of bullshit in a case near you. So they turn to the masses, wave the flag, bring their horses and puppies out and essentially call us dweebs. Nice.

In Closing I would like to say that I am a craft beer dork, I do fuss over my beer, I do dissect craft beers, because they have flavor and are WORTH MY TIME, unlike your “drinkable”, “smooth finishing” yellow flavored water in a bottle. I would like to add with 2 middle fingers raised to the sky, Drinking an Arrogant Bastard, and listening to VoiVod, take your horses, beech wood barrels, puppies, frogs, football playing bottles, and whatever your team of Marketing losers come up with next, and cram them straight up your Macro ass.

Session in the Abyss

 This is not my typical blog, just a warning shot. I am not going to talk about food or pairing it with beer that much in this one. The main reason is that this is more of a ranting than a “normal” post for me, not that I don’t get fired up about something in every post but this is a prolonged one. It’s about everybody’s new hot girl, the session IPA and session beers in general. I am a hop-head, I love hoppy beer, and they make me happy. Not that I don’t love all forms of the magical brewed libation, but these are my sweet spot as most people know by now.

First off we have to define a session beer. More or less it means a beer with lower alcohol (my guess is somewhere between 3% and 4.5% by volume) for the purpose of having more than 1 or 2 in a session of drinking them, hence the name. A good explanation is on Beer Advocate, it gives a history definition of the term. It’s not like there aren’t a bunch of great beers that could be but are not defined as session beers. A good amount of British, American, and Belgian Pale Ales and other categories of beer fall in this range. Some are hoppy and some are not. There are literally thousands of choices that are session-able.

 For years we have been offered IPA’s that are big, bold, and sometimes ridiculous. It seemed like a contest between brewers to see who could come up with the next big hop bomb or the next melding of hop varieties to kick your palate around, not to mention hopping up other styles like black IPAs and Belgian IPAs that are now a sub- genre of sorts to IPA’s in general. So now you are going to tell me that the next thing everyone wants to do is a hoppy, lighter bodied, lower alcohol beer and call it a “session IPA”. The basis of the craft beer movement is and was to not give a flying fuck what advertisers, the general public, and everyone else thinks and make real beer. That idealism seems to be lost on these beers. Think Metallica’s black album.  No more metal up your ass, but an over-produced to fit the general populations taste so we can get more  ”fans”. The sell-out album. Session IPA’s are the sell-out beer. Mass appeal, watered down, still ok but not as good as what they should be. I am not saying they are not well crafted just to get that out there before people start throwing rocks at me. Now I am all for full flavored beers in whatever ABV range they fall in. Good well-crafted beer is good beer, period. This all being said I think that the use and apparent need to define a beer as a “session” beer is absolute bullshit. Also the other notion of the public wants lighter alcohol beers is another bullshit reason. My beef mostly comes with the necessity for a label. I am over all of the buzzwords like session and just slapping IP-fill-in-the-blank to make it a marketable beer. Spare me. So what’s next a Session Imperial Bourbon Barrel India Pale Stout? That would cover all of the buzz words and styles.

 I have tried a bunch of these beers and there are a couple that are really good. I enjoyed Fat Head’s Sunshine Day Dream and Stone Go To but they are not IPA’s in my opinion, they were aggressively hopped pale ales. Which is good.This my opinion and I am not the only that feels this way I am sure of it. I just want good beer without mass marketing ploys, and buzzwords, and all of that other bullshit that has been popping up. To sum it up from a previous point: What I am saying is I want Ride the Lightning not Load or Re-Load.

Super Bowl party time!

 As many of you know I am probably one of the biggest pro football fans on the planet. So this week is the week of the 48^th annual Championship Game of the National Football League (I will not call it the “big game”) or The Super Bowl.

There I said the taboo name for the game, we can now move on. Being a hardcore fan, to me, this is the Christmas, New Year’s Eve, (name your favorite holiday) of my year. 90% of it is the game, but I love the party portion of it as well. Seeing that my Denver Broncos are in it this year it’s even more special to me (I like the Broncos to win 27-20 so if you read this after the game you can laugh or be impressed).  Food and beer take the center stage at almost every party, so why would you even contemplate drinking the official shit beer of the Super Bowl and serve the officially sponsored premade crap food for it? It’s a holiday, and it’s a party would you give people crappy pizza and reheated wings from a chain for a dinner party? Hell No. So why do it for the Super Bowl? So where do we go with the food you may ask?? Make it yourself. Homemade is the way to go, and if you are inept in the kitchen go to LOCAL restaurants, delis, or BBQ joints, to get your eats. I am going to help you out with a couple of Ideas here for the party as a whole.

First thing I do is figure out the beer, big shocker I know. All of the party type food for this event goes great with beer, and all types of it. Since I am a big cheese ball, I like to get beers from the cities or states of the teams in the game. So this current version is Denver and Seattle. Great year to give this a try. There are a ton of breweries from these 2 cities.  Here are a few that are readily available in most areas. Denver/Colorado (Coors and Blue Moon are not craft beers so don’t go there) has Oskar Blues, New Belgium, Great Divide to name a couple, Seattle/Washington you have Pyramid, Elysian, Red Hook there are a ton more in these cities and states. When your guests choose a beer they also are making a choice for the game as well. Like I said cheesy but fun. If that’s too cheesy get some local brews for the game or a couple growlers just none of that crap they are advertising during the game. Now for the food.

 Menu wise minus the chips and dips and whatever snack foods that you pick there are a lot of choices. In the cold weather nothing beats some good chili in my book. I am not going to throw a recipe out there mostly  because everyone has one, whether it’s a traditional beef, or a turkey, or a vegetarian, they always work just have some stuff to throw on it like cheese or sour cream and other fun stuff. Let’s focus on another big part of this game’s food the sandwich. Time to go big or go home! I like to do it different as well. There are about a thousand different ways to go here. Like Peyton Manning I am calling an audible at the line. Instead of a standard big cold cut sandwich try something like a Banh Mi or a giant Cuban sandwich. If you don’t cook or don’t want to, get some pulled pork or BBQ beef from a local BBQ joint, a loaf of good French bread some cheddar and make a giant BBQ sandwich. As for the other two I mentioned let’s go over construction.

The Banh Mi is a tasty and not so well known sandwich from Vietnam. For this you will need to do a little prep. I like doing a grilled chicken one but you can do it with pork or even with tofu or tempeh if you don’t eat meat. Since I am carnivorous let’s do the chicken one. Once again we are making this a big sandwich, so get a loaf of good French bread to start. You are going to need a pound of boneless chicken thighs that need to be marinated for a couple of hours or overnight. Recipe will be below. Now traditionally there are pickled carrots and Daikon radish, but I construct a simple slaw of sorts with carrots, red bell peppers, and some Napa cabbage. So the chicken is ready to go, guess what we are firing up the grill. Outside. In February. Why fear the cold and snow? Just because it’s not sunny and 75 doesn’t mean you need to stop grilling. So to the construction of this masterpiece. This is all about the layers. Cut the French bread so it’s opened up. This calls for a mayo but put it on the side, some people hate it, some bathe in it, so leave it up to them. First cut up the thighs and lay them down. Next a layer of sliced cucumbers, then your slaw, then some fresh cilantro and some sliced Jalapeños for some heat. Fold the bread up and cut it into chunks, however big or small you want to.

Banh Mi Marinade                                                                          Carrot slaw

¼ cup soy sauce                                                                                1 carrot julienned

½ of a lime juiced                                                             1 red pepper julienned

¼ cup cider vinegar                                                         1 green onion

2 cloves of garlic                                                               1 Cup of shredded cabbage

1 tablespoon of 5 spice blend                                     1 tablespoon of sugar

Salt and pepper to taste                                                               ¼ cup rice wine vinegar

                                                                                                Salt and pepper to taste

 Next we do the classic Cuban with a craft beer twist. We need the oven for this one. Set it to 375. French bread is your base again. Cut the bread in half like we did before so you can open it up. You will need roughly about a pound to a pound and a half of a good ham sliced thin. Lay it out on the bread on BOTH sides then we are going to put a layer of sliced pickles. Kosher deli style ones work best. Then a good layer of Swiss cheese. Put the whole thing in the oven and bake it until the cheese is melty. Normally this sandwich is pressed but since it’s a big sandwich we’ll skip that part. Take it out and fold it together. Wait, you are saying you forgot the mustard? Nope. Here’s the twist we are doing a whole grain IPA mustard for it. You can put this in the sandwich after the toasting or put it on the side if there are mustard haters around.  Recipe is as follows:

 IPA MUSTARD

1 jar of Whole grain mustard

3 garlic cloves roasted and chopped

¼ cup of Stone Ruination or other Imperial/double IPA

So there are a few ideas for your Super Bowl party, have a good time enjoy the game, the food, the commercials, and most importantly GO BRONCOS!!!!!!

A Little Ranting to Start Off the Year

Since we are in the New Year, I guess it’s time to do a synopsis of the year in beer, or a resolution. For one I am not one to make a resolution for the New Year. Not a freaking chance in hell of that of that. I am not going to a gym, eat kale and eat some horken fiber grain mix to make my diet healthy, just to throw it out the first chance I get to have a beer and some bar food with my friends. We are adults, you should be able to figure that kind of thing out without pledging something dopey. I wake up daily trying to be better at who I am and what I do, I don’t need to create a device to do this. I am not going to go over last year either. It’s the past, there were some great beers made and we loved them, I am personally more excited about the year ahead. One thing I will leave you with is a quote from Greg Koch the brilliant, arrogant in a good way, leader of Stone Brewery said.

 It is something that I personally back 100% and will start implementing daily in my conversations and writings about beer.Sorry if I disappointed everyone by not contributing to the normal year-end/new year bullshit. It’s not my thing.

 As I am writing this we are having the Polar Vortex pay a visit here in the Great Lakes (or as I like to call it winter), I am just hanging around the estate in lovely, frozen Lakewood, Ohio. I was thinking that this time of year, the post-holiday pre-spring release time of year is the most underrated time of year for beers. I love the fact that most if not every brewery/brewer goes out on a limb more and more, and create crazy one-off brews during the year. This time of year is great for that. I am a fan of the beers that get right up in your face with flavors and styles that are not the norm and out of your comfort zone.
 If you want to get me out of my beer comfort zone, one way is to give me a barley wine, You know the beers that start appearing this time of year that are usually named “Old” something or other. I am not a huge fan of this style. To me it’s just a way to brew a huge beer for the sake of it being big. They are for the most part cloyingly sweet and very boozy. Most hit around 10% ABV(Alcohol By Volume) on the bottom end and I have seen some that are upwards of 14-15% if not more (although not in my current state of Ohio which has ancient, absurd ABV laws for beer set at 12% - this is a rant for another day). A great deal of them do have a hoppy finish and I do like that. I am leery of the sweet-not-stout/Baltic porter which work for me, I am not saying that barley wines are bad beers at all. They just don’t hit the right notes for me. The high ABV% isn’t a bad thing but higher alcohol beers for the most part tend to have that burn on the back end. Which can make a beer great, or ruin it for me. Contrary to what some folks believe higher ABV doesn’t equal better beer. This is where I take a little side trip.

Let’s talk ABV, or more importantly, the “I only drink beer that has 9% alcohol or higher” guy. I know some of you are reading this, too. Well I am about to piss you off. I find this attitude to be one of, if not the most annoying, stupid, and outright fucked up ones out there. Don’t give me it’s your preference, that’s all BS. If it was just a preference you wouldn’t be hammering anyone for drinking, or brewing good beer with lower alcohol levels. You are not an Elitist; but more or less a drunk. All this says to me is that you want something to get you fucking hammered quickly rather than revel in and enjoy great beer. You are no different than the hobo drinking a Lazer malt liquor out of a paper bag to get trashed. No I am not putting high ABV beers in the level of Lazer so back up, I am putting the dopes I mentioned above there. If you have a problem with that fire away, not going to change my mind on this. Anyway that red-faced rant is now over, so back to barley wines. I do have a couple that I have had in the past. I am a big fan of Sierra Nevada’s Bigfoot. It is big, bold, has a dried fruit-like sweetness that is evened out by a good resiny, piney hop finish. I also like Victory Old Horizontal; it’s not as hoppy as Bigfoot but it carries a lot of similar flavors. This is just one of many types of different beers you see this time of year.
 I encourage everyone to follow your favorite breweries on the various social media outlets (Facebook, Twitter, for example) we have right now. They will for the most part give information on releases and other info so you can see what weirdness they are planning. I can go on and on about what else is available right now but hit social media and there’s a good amount of info to be had. Now go out there and get out of your comfort zone find some different beers and have some fun!